I

I want to write

I want to let it all out

I don’t know exactly what I want to say though. I haven’t been here in awhile. Life has been moving too

fast to think about things for any allotment of time longer than a second.

I miss thinking about everything too much. I miss feeling. All I feel now is either discontent, or a mild, watered down version of the happiness from my childhood that I chase after each day and night.
This is all I can think of now.

Too tired. Too responsible. Too disconnected from who I really am.

I need a change.

I need a big change.

Something new. I need to chase a dream and forget about everything that I have right now. I have this undying urge to let go of everything and just fuck the world. Literally.

Fuck everything. Fuck my shitty boring life. Lets make a new one.

But how do I act on this? I won’t feel this way once I walk away from this conversation. I’m going to

possibly remember it, stuff it away into some little compartment in my mind and force myself to stop thinking about it because its too radical of a thought.

I often force my wild feelings and urges away. It’s from maaaaaaany years of conditioning myself. I used to get in trouble too much. In trouble with myself to be honest… I’m too hard on myself whenever

I have fun. It’s fucking annoying. I worry too much about everything.

Need to let go. Need to release, yo.

sweatly:

I wanna cuddle and smooch and play video games

(Source: boodo)